In the beginning there was darkness

Self-loathing, disgust, despair, hopelessness, darkness, emptiness, hallow, fake. My life was not on the path that I needed it to be on.  I say needed, because I don't know how much longer I could have withstood the empty hollowness in my soul.  My efforts at lifting myself from that dark place had been short-lived, meaningless, feeling worse for have trying and failed that had I never tried at all. I stood naked and empty-handed before the judgement bar of God.  I needed to have my heart changed, to be born again, but I just could not do it.

 I am a confessed Christian, I believe whole-heartily in the Lord Jesus Christ, at least I always thought I did. I have wanted to become like him, but I was not like him. My countenance  had been darkened, the bands of wickedness had robbed me.  Slowly over time I had traded my light for darkness, and now my soul hungered.  However, when my soul longed to rejoice, I was  weighed down in sorrow and darkness because of my many sins.  The words of the Savior, as recorded in the scriptures had not been able to sink into my heart, I was past feeling. That is until recently.

My life began to change when my brother told me about a book. A book that I would have never have sought out on my own. A book that I would have likely rejected without opening it had I found it on my own. The book is a 12 step program on the 12 steps of AA, which is why I would have never sought it out on my own.  I would not have thought that the principles that applied to the languishing alcoholic would apply to me, but after reading a little from its pages I know that I was wrong. I am still reading the book, but it is amazing to me the depth and meaning that the scriptures have taken as I read them through this new perspective.  We are all addicts, we are all hopelessly lost and in need of a Savior, the only real different between the rock-bottom alcoholic and most of us, however, is the recognition of that fact.

I have longed to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.  I am starting this blog now, to document my journey from darkness into His marvelous light. I hope, that I you are reading this, that you might find the path as well.